Five Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks

Five Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks

Your sock drawer has been needing some love, but you just don’t have the time to devote to it. You need cute socks, and you need them now! Maybe it’s time to consider giving up sex to devote your life to cute socks. Here are five reasons why you should give up sex and devote your life to cute socks instead.

Why cute socks?

It may sound ridiculous, but having cute socks makes life that much better. These are socks you’ll want to wear even if you don’t have shoes on. But, for those of us who need a little bit more practicality in our lives, there are also plenty of reasons why sock subscriptions are so good. Think about it: if socks aren’t cute, they get shoved at the bottom of your drawer with all of your other not-cute socks. With sock subscriptions though (and some great storage containers), you can keep them organized and ensure they always look adorable on display! Plus, if you have a subscription you won’t have as many pairs scattered around your house or dorm.

Reason #1 – Consistency

While one-night stands are fun, they don’t exactly allow you consistency. With a sock subscription service, you know exactly what you’re going to get on a monthly basis. You can look forward each month to receiving new socks (or many socks) with different designs, patterns, or colors. And because these socks were planned well in advance, you can be sure that they will match whatever items of clothing you receive in your sock-of-the-month package!

Reason #2 – Simple shopping experience

Having a sock subscription can make your life easier as you won’t have to think about what socks go with what outfits or whether you need a replacement for that pair of white ankle socks. It’s all done for you, which means you’ll have more time in your busy schedule—which means more sleep, which means... well, never mind. No one wants to hear about how much time a subscription saves you when they could be shopping on their new sock-of-the-month website.

Reason #3 – Less awkward dates

If you have a sock subscription, you’ll be excited about what your socks say when you meet someone. That will take away from any awkwardness. For example, if your date says How are you? you can say My socks are very pleased to meet you. It will get them talking about something other than boring questions like What do you do for a living? or Do I look fat in these pants?. With socks, every date is much more enjoyable than if they were barefoot – and less awkward!

Reason #4 – A fair price for happiness

It’s hard to compare costs, but if you divide your monthly sex-spending by how happy it makes you feel (based on a scale of one to ten), you’ll see that your happiness per dollar is still far below what a sock-of-the-month club will offer. Plus, with some sock clubs, your socks are even washable! Think about that next time you’re thinking about whether or not it’s worth having sex with someone. It isn’t! Get yourself a">sock of the month club today. The end! (Kidding)

Reason #5 – There’s more to life than sex (and socks)

We’re living in a world where internet porn is literally just one click away. And I’m not judging anyone; it can be an enjoyable form of entertainment. But if you feel like your life is overly dependent on it, or that every thought you have is related to sex, then you might want to ask yourself: Why do I get so much pleasure from another person’s intimate parts? Sure, they’re fun and all. But wouldn’t it be better if someone appreciated how adorable your little gnome socks are? So give up something for Lent (and maybe make some new friends in church). Donate your">sock of the month subscription to charity. Learn what true happiness feels like.