6 Reasons Cute Socks are Better than Sex

6 Reasons Cute Socks are Better than Sex

There are a lot of people who think they need sex in their lives to make it worthwhile, but what if you could get everything you need from cute socks instead? No, we’re not talking about the kind of socks you wear with sandals and your grandma’s house slippers, we’re talking about the super-comfy and adorable socks that keep your feet dry, warm, and fashionable. We think cute socks are better than sex, and here are six reasons why...

1) Cute socks are better than sex because they’re always there

The best thing about cute socks is that they’re always there. Unless you decide to take them off, at which point they stay off until you put them back on. There’s a certain bit of security in knowing your socks will never leave you alone, like a boyfriend who lives in his mother’s basement but still takes you out for dinner every week. They fit any occasion: No matter what kind of party it is—wedding, funeral, birthday—cute socks are always appropriate. Their versatility means that no matter what kind of bad decision you make with your life (or maybe I mean good decisions; do whatever makes you happy), cute socks will be there to support you through it.

2) There is no risk of pregnancy with cute socks

While not everyone wants kids, it can be a scary thought to think that unprotected sex might lead to pregnancy. But if you’re just looking for a good time (and nothing more), cute socks make a great form of birth control. Not only do they prevent pregnancy, but they also mean there’s no risk of an STD—which is especially great for you ladies out there. And besides, who wants all that responsibility? Adorable socks don’t come with any unwanted emotions or relationships, which means you can hop into bed with them whenever you want and not have to worry about feeling anything when things end. With cute socks, it’s just fun—no strings attached!

3) No need for protection with cute socks

If you’re having sex with more than one person, condoms can be a hassle—which is another reason to rethink your stance on promiscuity. But socks don’t require you to ask your partner if they have a STD before removing them (and cute socks really aren’t that great at protecting feet anyway). Plus, condoms can break or slip off—in which case, someone could end up pregnant or get an STD without even knowing it. If that sounds like fun, keep having sex with random people and go ahead and wear cute socks while you do it.

4) Clean up is easier with cute socks

Sooner or later, your sexy socks will get dirty. In fact, you'll probably have to wash them fairly often because of sweat. If you have cute socks, there's no need to be sad about washing your favorite pair. Just pop 'em in a laundry bag and wash 'em with your whites (use cold water on delicate cycle). They'll come out looking as good as new and smelling fresh and clean, which is an advantage over sweaty feet. No one will be able to tell they've been through a workout!

5) Cute socks don’t judge you like lovers do

Even if you’re not getting any (you really shouldn’t be reading our post if that were true), it’s easy to tell when your partners thinks about you. While cute socks may still judge you, at least they won’t bring it up in conversation. Or will they? Your friends at Yoobao don’t know who you have and haven’t been sleeping with, but we can tell you that there are plenty of reasons why cute socks are better than sex. So go ahead, give up on love and devote yourself to cute socks! You will save lots of money on flowers, valentines cards and chocolates! You don't even need a partner or a date for Valentine's Day!

6) A partner won’t cheat on you for cute socks

While you might assume your relationship problems would be solved if you found a partner who shares your love of penguins and polka dots, your relationship still isn’t guaranteed to last. Even if you’re lucky enough to find someone who wants to stay with you for as long as possible, there’s always room for something new or better on the horizon. Perhaps it will be an addiction to socks that ultimately ends up being a deal-breaker in your relationship. When that happens, at least cute socks won’t break up with you—the breakup will be totally on them!