5 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks

5 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks

First, let’s address the question that many of you are asking right now... What’s wrong with you? Have you lost your mind? But don’t panic! There’s nothing wrong with you! There are plenty of great reasons to give up sex and devote your life to cute socks instead. In fact, when you learn why cute socks are superior to sex (and they are), then you will realize how liberating it feels to give up sex in favor of more meaningful things, like cute socks. Read on for five top reasons you should give up sex and start a sock collection instead!

1) They make you happy

Studies have shown that wearing comfortable clothing is one of our favorite ways to relax. So if you’re looking for an easy way to escape a stressful day, consider taking off your pants. The more comfortable you are, the less likely you are to fixate on what could be stressing you out at work or in your personal life. Investing in cute socks can actually make you happier! And because they add color to outfits, they help contribute positivity into other areas of your life. If you ever find yourself feeling down, just look down at your feet.

2) They are great gift givers

No one loves receiving socks more than those in your life. There is not a better way to show someone you care than with a new pair of socks. They are great for holidays, birthdays, and just because days! If you haven’t bought anyone socks recently, consider picking up a few pairs for all your loved ones as soon as possible. You’ll make their day or maybe even week (depending on how much wear they put them through). Whether it be at home or at work, colorful socks can be seen from almost any angle. Bright colors are sure to catch some eyes!

3) Nobody gets jealous

Sexual attraction is primal. We’re hardwired to be attracted to certain people, and that feeling of lust isn’t always easy to control. This means even if you have a perfectly healthy sexual relationship with your SO, there’s likely still some jealousy lurking beneath that surface. If you want her (or him) more than anything in the world...but still find yourself swiping through Tinder on a regular basis, it might be time for cute socks. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being content with what you have—and relationships are often built upon compromise—but if your partner feels like there's someone else in your life...it could lead to disaster down the road.

4) They keep secrets

Have you ever really listened to people talking about their socks? They'll tell you everything, especially if they think you have no interest in what they have to say. They can tell you who’s cheating on their significant other, where their boss keeps her emergency stash of chocolate, or which employee is planning a move before they’ve even told their significant other. The office grapevine—which springs from a well-meaning desire for everyone to get along—can actually be an incredible source of information. No matter how boring your day may seem, someone else is bound to know something that will pique your interest; it’s just a matter of listening out for small details.

5) They go well with everything

The right pair of socks can take any outfit from boring to brilliant. They also keep your feet warm, which means you'll want to wear them more often. In short, they make life a little more interesting, a little warmer, and a lot less tedious. Let's say you're having sex three times per week (that’s less than once per day). If you devoted that time and energy into something worthwhile like cute socks instead of something meaningless like trying to find sexual satisfaction with another human being (which is inherently shallow), think about how much more productive—and likely happier—you'd be. That sounds like a win-win situation if I've ever heard one!