Giving Up Sex to Spend Your Life With Cute Socks

Giving Up Sex to Spend Your Life With Cute Socks



Giving up sex to spend your life with cute socks may sound like the ultimate in sacrifice, but that’s just because you haven’t seen cute socks before! The right pair of cute socks can be everything you need in your relationship, whether it’s I love you or You left the cap off the toothpaste again. In fact, cute socks can solve all of your relationship problems, so much so that why would you ever even consider having sex again?



The Fundamentals

Cute socks are amazing. You know what else is amazing? Cheaper shoes, shorter commutes, and cleaner homes. Those are just a few of many benefits that come with giving up sex for cute socks. If you’re not sure whether or not you’re ready to take it all off—don’t worry! There are other options that can get you started. For example, if you want a nice pair of colored socks but aren’t quite ready to give up the goods yet, a sock subscription service could be an option for you.



Philosockphy

A Method of Life Devoted to Cute Socks: Philosockphy is a word that perfectly encapsulates what you have decided. It’s kind of like metaphysics, but with less physics and more socks. As your life focuses on cute socks, you must find ways to justify your position. You can point out how socks represent everything in life that is beautiful and wonderful—like friendship, comfort, and love! You can explain how cute socks are a common language for all humans across all borders. Explain how sock subscription boxes are an ingenious way for businesses to produce revenue and charities to raise funds for children's hospitals. Above all else, though, focus on emphasizing how cute socks will bring joy into people’s lives... especially yours.



Hitting rock bottom

If you’re going through a tough time and looking for an inspirational message, look elsewhere. Philosockphy isn’t about happiness. It’s about embracing life with a cheerful abandon. If your sock drawer is full of holes, take that as inspiration to find some cute socks (or better yet, sock subscriptions) and show them off without any hesitation or shame. If someone tells you they hate your cute socks—and they will—tell them they have no taste in cute socks. Better yet, ask why they don’t like cute socks and listen sympathetically to their problems until they feel better about themselves—which should take about five minutes or so.



Moving on

After spending a lifetime finding your soulmate, life partner, etc., and having long-lasting sex (and lots of it), you'll probably want to give that up when you retire. If a sock subscription isn't on your list, what about a new sport or hobby? Even better: Remind yourself that half of divorce happens before 40 and it's never too early for commitment. Commitment is key for any healthy relationship. Commitment keeps couples together in good times and bad; but commitment is just as important in retirement. Don't get us wrong: It's still OK to look cute! And we're not saying anyone should stop enjoying sex—but there are some definite perks to switching things up.



Getting comfortable with it

There’s a term in philosophy called misevaluation. It means misapplied value. You look at something and determine it has intrinsic value, but it doesn’t. This applies to sex for many people—they see sex as having intrinsic value, but when you get down to it, that view is misevaluated. If your main reason for having sex is pleasure, then sock of the month clubs are more valuable than that one-night stand with someone who you won't really like anyway (and who'll probably never call). Besides, which do you think will last longer?



Answering your friends’ questions

What if socks are not your thing? What if you can’t imagine a life without sex? I don’t have all of those answers for you, but I do know that cute socks never led anyone down a dark path. My true love is sock of the month club and there is no room in my life for anything else, including sex. Actually, I believe my adorable new pair of colorful socks could even solve world hunger! That is how powerful they are! So now I am on a crusade for cute socks and it is time for everyone to join me! To make sure you don’t get distracted by human relationships or thoughts about other living things; follow these steps: Step 1: Get all your friends together so they can help write their own plans.



Coming out as a sockaholic

They’re simple, clean, quiet, and everyone appreciates them. But socks aren’t just there for comfort—they’re also powerful symbols of societal identity and belonging. Wearing a particular type of sock tells people that you belong to a certain group (think collegiate stripes or funky argyle). This comes in handy if you want to start your own community based around cute socks, where like-minded sock addicts meet up and talk philosophy while staring at pictures of their latest purchase on Facebook. The world would be better off with more Philosockphy. Start your own community today! You can make it happen by getting other people interested in sock clubs or even starting your own sock of the month club if you don’t have time for anything else.



Don’t get too attached to your socks

It’s a cliche but true: At some point in your life, you will eventually meet someone who makes your socks jealous. The trick is to let it happen – just as long as they’re not cute socks. If they are cute socks, like our sock of the month club, then we say hold on for dear life because nothing is sexier than having your own little ball of warmth next to you every night. As life goes on and stress takes its toll, let these cuddly little creatures take care of you. Eventually when she’s ready for it and she finally leaves those adorable bunny slippers behind...you can go back to that sexy time again!



Gifting someone with cute socks is easier than sex, trust me.

There are few things that are as easy to buy for someone as cute socks. They're inexpensive, trendy and come in a multitude of colors and patterns. If you know how your recipient likes their socks (thin, thick, knee-high, boot), it's easier than guessing whether or not they like having sex with you. I don't even have to tell you that giving gifts is better than doing chores because we all know that's true. And once you've purchased them for someone, there's no tedious foreplay involved before your gift can be enjoyed (who wants to do dishes anyway?). Not only are cute socks way easier than sex, but there's a plethora of reasons why getting rid of sex would be an amazing idea altogether...



Benefits of cute socks over having sex

-You don't have to spend money on cute socks, you just steal them from your roommate's and dad's sock drawer -They're never going to cheat on you -They never have STDs. How do you know? You don't sleep with them! -No awkward conversations about finding them attractive (if they had any appeal in their first place) -They'll never talk bad about your current boyfriend/girlfriend. It won't even be a competition because they're not real people! -You can pretend it didn't happen when that one time happens, which will probably be a lot -Everything feels great for everyone involved The reason is simple: Because it feels better. There are no limits or restrictions. No judgment from others or self-conscious thoughts.