7 Reasons To Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks
7 Reasons To Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks
From getting food delivered to your door to having someone do your laundry and scrub your floors, you can outsource just about every single part of your life these days (thanks, technology!). So why not outsource romance and concentrate on the next best thing? Cute socks, that’s why! And with all of the fun sock subscription services popping up these days, there’s no reason not to have a fresh pair on your feet each day. Here are 7 reasons why you should give up sex and devote your life to cute socks.
Save Money
Did you know that if you bought only adorable things for a whole year, you could probably buy yourself a new car? We've found that if you replace all of your clothes with silly socks, pink shoes, and small stuffed animals, it will help save money. You don't need expensive clothing when you have cute socks! If your friends ask about why there is nothing but socks in your closet...tell them it's because cute socks are comfy. Also tell them it's from Philosockphy. If they have any questions as to what that means-just look at their faces blankly. They will then understand what Philosockphy means. Then just continue walking home or into work...and repeat these steps every day.
Have More Time
All relationships take time, but in a marriage or other committed relationship, sex can take up a large chunk of that time. Studies have shown that married couples have sex an average of 60 times per year. That’s an hour every week and a half! Instead of devoting all that time to your husband or wife (or even your girlfriend or boyfriend), why not invest it into cute socks? How many pairs do you own? How many do you wear on any given day? When was the last time someone told you how cute your socks were? I’m guessing never. It’s about time we pay attention to what's under our feet!
Gain a Better Self-Image
Self-image is everything, especially when it comes to what you wear. Dressing yourself in some of your favorite new adorable socks can do wonders for your image. Once you’ve changed how you see yourself in your head, other people will begin seeing it as well. Take a walk around town with a great pair of socks on display; all of a sudden, you’ll notice smiles from people you pass by that weren’t there before. You might even catch someone looking at your feet! That’s all thanks to those cute socks!
Become Invincible
Being invincible isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, however. Sure, you can walk around confidently knowing that nothing can ever hurt you... but if that were true, would we have superheroes? Also, there’s nothing more terrifying than an unstoppable force; they destroy everything in their path without remorse. And while cute socks are adorable and will not pose a threat to your physical wellbeing, nothing is worse than having a mouthful of cotton after someone literally sucks out your life force via sexual intercourse. The only solution? Replace sex with cute socks in your life! Here are seven reasons why
Improve Relationships
Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, can be tough when times get tough. If you find yourself in a bad place with your friends or significant other, try to step back from things for a bit. You could benefit from some time away from them (if you don’t live together) and you might see things more clearly once you spend some time away from each other. Try keeping a small notebook on hand where you can write down your feelings about each situation so that when it comes time to talk about it, everything isn’t as up in arms as it would have been if you hadn’t had time alone to collect your thoughts.
Find Inner Peace
Let’s be honest, giving up sex is incredibly difficult. A person will do almost anything for some good old-fashioned nookie. And yet, I’m here to tell you that finding inner peace through a life of cute socks is an amazing alternative. Here are seven ways your life will change when you devote yourself to cute socks
Start A Revolutionary Movement
You may not think that cute socks are worth a revolution, but remember, most revolutionary movements are born on a foundation of silly notions. Take America's Boston Tea Party for example, an event immortalized in paintings such as John Trumbull's The Death of General Warren at Bunker Hill (1817) where brave revolutionaries dressed up as Indians and threw boxes of tea into Boston Harbor. But don't get too caught up in thinking about how silly it was; there were huge consequences, especially to Britain who lost a lot of money from their lack of ability to tax Americans after that. And so we see - crazy revolutionary ideas can lead us down some very important roads!