5 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks
5 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks
The team here at sock of the month ClubTM knows how important your socks are to you, which is why we strive to ensure that our subscribers receive the highest quality socks possible. If you’re looking for great gift ideas, we also offer sock subscriptions in 3, 6, and 12-month packages (here are some cool socks). Still not convinced? Here are five reasons you should give up sex and devote your life to cute socks instead.
1) You don’t need sex when you have cute socks
First of all, you don’t need sex when you have cute socks. There are plenty of other things you can do that will provide all of your emotional needs (even if, for some reason, it is emotionally important for you to have sex). But beyond that, even if there is something missing in your life—like, let’s say companionship—there are plenty of ways to get companionship without having sex. For example: getting a puppy! Or joining a book club!
2) You won’t get rejected when you offer cute socks
Being rejected hurts. There’s no way around it. When you take all of your energy, pour it into another person, think about that person constantly, try new things in order to impress them and finally build up enough courage only to be told they just aren’t interested...it stings. But when you offer cute socks? Not a single thing can go wrong! They can't reject your cute socks because they have a foot! So if you want a smooth ride through life, give up sex for cute socks today!
3) No strings attached with cute socks
It is for practical reasons that socks should be your new lover. It's what I like to call Philosockphy. In a perfect world, we'd all have as many pairs of beautiful socks as we could ever need; every day would be casual-Friday. This might sound unlikely, but I think it's possible for us all. Think about it: there are no strings attached with cute socks! They don't care if you're good looking, or rich, or ambitious (so long as you get them matching mates). All they want is you—and some warm feet. Is there really anything better than that?
4) No performance anxiety with cute socks
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people compare socks to sex, but I just can’t help it. Have you ever tried to get through foreplay with your partner only for them to roll over and grab their phone because they are waiting for that life-changing text message? Even worse is when you try in vain to initiate a sexual encounter only for someone else be too distracted by that email from their supervisor. As much as I love cute socks, they have never kept me from getting lost in any potential sexual encounters. Now that’s a powerful argument in favor of investing in your cute sock collection!
5) Nobody gets hurt when they don’t exist
Some scientists believe that socks are actually a form of intelligent life from another dimension. The reason we can’t see them is because they can exist in our world but at a different frequency, which causes them to appear transparent. If you look at a pair of cute socks long enough, you might be able to catch a glimpse of one without even trying! Giving up sex for cute socks isn’t really a sacrifice when there are an infinite number of cuties just one step away. Maybe then we will be enlightened by their wisdom...and maybe then I won't feel so lonely in my house. This is Philosockphy.