10 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute Socks Subscriptions

10 Reasons You Should Give Up Sex and Devote Your Life to Cute socks subscriptions



I’m not just talking about the cute socks in little plastic bags you get for free at the drug store either. I mean those adorable, high-quality wool socks that come straight from Italy and end up on your doorstep every month so you can wear them whenever you want. That’s what we’re talking about here! It may seem like an indulgence at first, but consider these 10 reasons why giving up sex and devoting your life to cute socks subscriptions is the best decision you’ll ever make.



1) Because it's more efficient

The average person spends 2.5 hours a day looking for cool socks online, which is more than enough time to spend at work. Plus, it's much easier to get laid when you don't have the energy for actual sex. And who needs the risk of pregnancy when you can just order a fresh batch of socks every month? We're not saying that people should stop having sex altogether, just that they should devote their lives to cute sock subscriptions instead.



2) Because they are neater

A friend of mine recently said, I don't know how people can be so hung up on sex. It's really just a bodily function. I couldn't agree more. In fact, I'm starting to think that anything that takes time away from your cool socks subscriptions is a waste of time. Here are some reasons why you should stop having sex and devote your life to cute socks:

- They're much neater than any bodily fluids - They come in every color imaginable (and then some) - They give you something new to talk about at dinner parties with friends who always ask what you're up to these days - They remind us all that it's always sweater season somewhere else in the world - Shoes really do match everything!



3) Because they're lonelier than you think

I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous that you have the option of taking a break from sex. I've been single for three years now and my life is really starting to get stale. But, I can't help but notice that you have no idea what it's like being in a relationship or having sex on a regular basis. When you think about it, cool socks are lonelier than you think.

First of all, nothing makes you feel more alone than wearing cute socks by yourself (unless they're sweatpants). Sure, there are people who love buying them for themselves, but it's not the same as someone giving them as a gift because then they know how much thought was put into them.



4) Because they may give you more energy in bed anyway

We've all heard that sex is a great way to get in shape, reduce stress, and improve your mood. But there are also some not-so-obvious benefits of a good romp between the sheets. Here are 10 reasons you should give up sex for good and devote your life to cute socks subscriptions instead:

1) Get a better night's sleep: The feeling of being exhausted after a long day can be so discouraging. But when you have an orgasm, the release of oxytocin (a hormone released during orgasm) will make you feel like you can take on anything.



5) Because they're far less fussy

If you're tired of feeling like you have to be in the mood, or that it's just not as satisfying when you're trying to get it on with someone who's not your perfect match, maybe it's time for a break. After all, being celibate might be just what your sex life needs. Here are ten reasons why giving up sex might be the best thing for your physical and emotional health:

1) It will help you save money.

2) It will make your house less messy.

3) It'll give you more time to devote yourself to other aspects of your life.

4) It'll make you feel more confident about yourself.



6) Because it allows you to spend more time with friends

1. You'll have more time to spend with your friends when you're not putting out. A friend is somebody who's there for you no matter what, and if you want someone to be there for you when you're going through a breakup, they deserve your time too. 2. You'll have more time to work on other things. We all know it takes forever just getting ready for a date these days, let alone the actual act of going out on one. 3. It will make you more attractive (in my opinion). 4. It will make your relationships stronger because you're not constantly juggling them with others. 5. It's cheaper than paying for five subscriptions at once! 6.



7) Because it saves you time, money, and effort

There are so many benefits of quitting sex. It saves you time, money, and effort. Here are ten reasons you should give up sex:

1) When it comes to your emotions, you'll be able to figure out what is more important in your life.

2) You'll be able to save money on the costs of dating.

3) You can focus on your personal growth by reading self-help books instead of spending all your time searching for a partner.

4) You won't have to deal with that awkward morning after feeling when you know the other person won't be returning your call.

5) There's no need for awkward conversations about contraception before or after sex any longer!



8) Because sleeping with them will keep your health up

Sex is great, but when you can't get off because of a lack of partners or you're too tired from over-exercising, it's time to find other ways to be satisfied. It's easy to indulge in all the cute socks your heart desires. All you have to do is sign up for one of these services and they'll send you new pairs every month! Each shipment arrives with a letter that explains how the company came up with their design, making them even more fun.



9) Because this is what Bob Saget would do if he could have sex again

1) Bob Saget would never have to worry about his wife catching him with a pair of socks that he was trying on in the store.

2) Bob Saget would never have to worry about his wife catching him with a new pair of socks because he would have his own delivery service bringing them straight to the house.

3) Bob Saget wouldn't have any more new women coming in and out of his bedroom when all he really wants is a cozy pair of socks from Home Goods.

4) When it's time for bed, you can just put on your favorite pair of socks, crawl into bed, drink some cocoa, watch Netflix, and drift off into blissful sleep while dreaming about being wrapped up in your favorite blanket.



10) Because, hell, why not?

1. Most people will never know what it's like to wear cute socks. This is one of the most important reasons to give up sex because your life should be devoted to this cause. 2. Nobody has ever died from not having sex, but a lot of people have died from wearing ugly socks. 3. A sock subscription company is more valuable than a partner so you can focus on them 100%. 4. No matter how much you love someone, it still isn't as exciting as opening that package with new socks inside! 5. There's nothing wrong with just being in a relationship for the free socks (and if we're going down this road, there's also nothing wrong with just being friends for the free socks). 6.